My best friend is taking the MCAT tomorrow,

along with half the other premedical students I know.

Does it say anything that D-Day for all my friends happens to fall on the day before the 10th anniversary of 9/11?

Stop.

That could already be an insensitive comment.

But, but - it's just strange how ten years have passed, how Bin Laden has come and gone (literally), but I believe we're still in Iraq, and here we are, it's going to be 9/11/11 - why do the numbers add up so perfectly, almost poetically? - and I still have to take my shoes off at airports.

I digress.

This should be a happy post.

And you're probably wondering what the heck that thing is, that greeted you, at the top of the page.

It looks like an old telephone, doesn't it?

There. Now it's facing you, all cheerful on its colorful plate (from Target, my favorite store), almost like it's smiling at you. Taunting you.

Dial me.

Wait, is that... an OLIVE? As in, an olive olive? Not a fancy green olive, with its (annoying) red pit. Not a fancy Kalamata olive, which, I learned, makes tapenade.

Well, the story is, that my best friend who is taking the MCAT tomorrow,

loves olives.

Seriously. I've had this plan in mind, for a few weeks, to surprise her with her favorite baked good, the day before she took the MCAT. So I tried probing her, subtly (the attempt is what counts), and learned that she's okay with chocolate (just okay), is alright with banana bread (but has eaten too much of it, of late), and would really rather stay away from dessert for a while. She also couldn't think of a favorite food.

Great.

I did remember, however, that every year for her birthday, she would have an olive pizza. It was crust, cheese, and olives.

She confirmed that she did, indeed, still like olives. Like her fourth grade self, still.

So I racked my mind on what to make... olive cake? Olive cupcakes? The only thing I could think of was olives in focaccia bread.

Google agreed.

I was stunned that with all the recipes - some of them downright strange - floating around the Web, I couldn't find something baked with olives, other than plain old bread.

Oh well.

I continued thinking about it, until I decided, oh heck, I'll just make an olive muffin. Even if I can't find a recipe online - I'll just improvise!

There were only three requirements:
1) It had to be a muffin.
2) It had to have olives in it.
3) It had to be eggless.

My friend doesn't eat eggs, for religious reasons.

But simple enough!

I searched for "plain eggless muffins"... to no avail. There was no recipe for an eggless muffin - plain! I've always loved Madhuram's website for eggless baking, but sadly, there was nothing for a plain muffin. The rest all involved egg substitutes. Also known as, fake eggs.

Ew.

I did find one recipe, which looked quite sketchy. But because I didn't have much else of an option, I decided to modify it a bit, and go for it.

While the muffins were baking, I decided to turn the leftover ingredients into a breakfast.


Olives, cheese, and bread. I believe that's dairy, carbs, and... veggies?!

I don't think I've had such a nutritious breakfast in a while.

It was so nutritious, in fact, that while eating it, I was suddenly inspired to melt the cheese onto the next slice of bread.


GRILLED cheese. With olives!

Could it get any better?

Yes. Yes, it can. Even breakfast needs some protein-packed dessert.

Who knew?

Olives, bananas, and yogurt make an outstanding combination.

Slightly salty olives balance sweet bananas and sour yogurt.

I relaxed with this dessert, after opening the oven midway through baking, to top some raw, puffy muffins with shredded cheddar cheese.

My new discoveries.

They thrilled me.

They infused me with confidence, that my muffins, baking quietly in the oven, would finish spectacularly.

But not so!!

My muffins!

My magnificent muffins!

What had gone wrong?!

Actually, I don't know.

As in, I don't know what had gone right. I'm pretty sure everything was wrong, and when everything's wrong, everything's a confounding variable.

But man, that healthy breakfast must have given me some extra culinary brainpower because I felt like I was on some strange Food Network show. And somehow, I had a spark. Inspiration.

I honed in on one of the fallen muffins,

and I peeled it from its tin.

I did this for the whole sheet.

Slowly.

Carefully.

Until all was lifted.

I could have inverted the cover, to make a fake muffin,



But I decided that that wasn't fun enough.

It would just be a failed muffin.

So instead, I took the top off,

exposed it,

and made

a FUMNIF!

Yup. I made a fumnif. An inverted muffin.

Just squint at the word a bit. It'll come to you.

I've been meaning to use up the Gruyere cheese that's been chilling in the fridge, so I shredded it into the fumnif, and topped it with an olive.

I also filled a fancier fumnif with more olives.



I added some Gruyere, too, of course.

It's almost like an olive pizza, isn't it?

Crust, cheese, and olives.

Perfect for my friend.

A whole collection of fumnifs.

But the telephone, you say.

You ask, Where did the telephone go?

Oh, don't worry. The telephone went on a separate plate.

I couldn't share the fumnifs with just one friend, now, could I?

Yes, this plate is a bit more... eclectic. Not quite as symmetrical as the first.

Yes, the one in the lower-right corner has yellow bits in it.

Yes, the yellow bits are pieces of cheddar cheese that didn't melt as I wanted.

Fumnifs are fun,

they have character,

and so do their components.

(They won't listen to you.)

The best part of a batch of fumnifs, however, is the crusts that also wouldn't listen.

The crusts that tore apart from the delicate fumnif when I tried to lift them off, ever so carefully.

Fine.

What do you do then?

You make fumniscuits!

Like biscuits.

Really, really, really chewy biscuits.

That also happen to be really, really, really delicious.

Sweet, but subtlely so,

with a texture that springs back at you.

They look almost like blondies, don't they?

I know, I love me some fumnifs,

but these were the best part.

I still had some olives left, so I stashed them in the plastic container for the liners.

Fumnifs sure help with economy.

Particularly olive fumnifs.

--

OLIVE FUMNIFS
Cinna B.



Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Line muffin pan with liners.
Cover with cooking spray.

Melt:
7 tablespoons, butter
(I used the microwave, on high, for 30 seconds)

Add:
1 cup, plain yogurt

Add:
1 tblsp, sour cream
(because you've used it for moist banana bread)

Mix:
2 cups, all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons, baking powder
1 teaspoon, salt
(to create your own self-rising flour)

Add:
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
(for slight spice)

Add:
1 handful, sliced olives
(for an olive-loving friend)

Mix.

Mash + add:
1/2 banana
(because the batter looks dry)

Add: 
1/4 cup, milk
(because the batter still looks dry)

Pour into liners.
Bake for 7 minutes.
Open the oven, to add cheese.
Close the oven, to recover from shock over the batter bubbling over the sides (warning, it may spill).
Wait 9 minutes.
Remove from the oven. Let cool.
Attempt to extricate from the pan... as best you can.


Now, they're all yours to fill, decorate, chew, etc.


Congrats- go crazy!


(disclaimer: this recipe has not been retested and may produce entirely different results. i tried tweaking this recipe, failed, then shredded Gruyere cheese to make up for it.

i liked it.)